Guest Blog: Dan Orley, HDI, Search Marketing Manager
Ok, ok. Initially I was going to do the top five, but I could only think of four off the top of my head and sorting through lists of hundreds of virus names in search of “fun” viruses isn’t exactly the best use of my time. Viruses are absolute criminals to our community; they’re the bank robbers and purse snatchers. They steal our data and generally make our lives more difficult. What better way to show them what’s what than relentlessly mocking them? This blog is for entertainment purposes only. These are my favorite virus names, let me know if I missed any good ones.
4. Melissa
- Creator: David L Smith
- Created: 1999
- Total Damage: Over $80 million
Melissa was named after…a stripper. It’s believed that the Melissa virus was named after an exotic dancer in Florida that the creator knew. It’s one of two things: Either he didn’t have a favorite childhood pet that he could have named it after or he thought the whole naming a virus after a stripper thing was ironic and hilarious. Personally, I think the dude just needed someone to cuddle with to distract him from all of his coding. He was clearly lonely.
3. ILOVEYOU
- Creator: Reomel Ramones & Onel de Guzman
- Created: 2000
- Total Damage: Approximately $5.5 billion
Picture this: You get an email from a close friend of yours. Maybe you had a crush on that friend. Maybe you just wanted to feel some love. The email’s entitled “ILOVEYOU” and the Word document attached is called “LOVE-LETTER-FOR-YOU”. The document name may be a bit unoriginal, but hey, I bet you’re still excited about it. You open it with a quick, deft double-click of the mouse, wide-eyed and expectant then BAM! Next thing you know, this bad boy is sending copies of itself to the top 50 people in your address book, overwriting important files, music, movies and pictures. Isn’t that just like love? Setting expectations high and then destroying everything in its path. *Single tear drops*
2. Leap-A / Oompa-A
- Creator: Unknown
- Created: 2006
- Total Damage: Unknown
One of the few Mac viruses and the one of the first viruses built to attack Mac OS X, this virus…uh…doesn’t do much. It looks at the last four applications run that are not owned by the system and if they meet a certain criteria, it latches on to them using something called “apphook”. If those applications don’t match its criteria, the virus does nothing. Lame, I know. So, why is this uber-boring virus on the list? Because it’s known as “Oompa-A” and who doesn’t love Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory? Try saying “Oompa-A” and NOT getting a tiny bit happier. Go on. I’ll wait…
Hahaha! Oompa-A! Man, that’s good!
1. MyDoom
- Creator: Russian Programmer (Name Unknown)
- Created: 2004
- Total Damage: Up to $38.5 Billion (arguable)
Let’s all give Craig Schmugar a super awesome high-five if we ever meet him. He’s the McAfee employee who named this virus. He named it this because he noticed the text “mydom” in a line of the program’s code and thought “Doom” would be more appropriate. Frankly, MyDoom is one of the absolute COOLEST VIRUS NAMES EVER! Seriously! MyDoom!?!? That’s so hardcore! It’s like having a king cobra named “Killer” or a rat named “Gross” or a piece of cheesecake named “Delicious”! It’s named EXACTLY what it is! Best. Virus. Name. Ever.
About the Author: During the day, Dan Orley is the search marketing manager for HDI while at night he is a stand-up comic performing all over the state Colorado. He is a six-foot, blond-haired, blue-eyed 186 pounder (body fat percentage in the low teens), who is good to his mother, a two-time veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom and is often complimented on his smile, wit, intelligence and stunning charisma. He’s won boxing matches versus several varieties of bears while simultaneously wrestling crocodiles. He once got a clean punch on Chuck Norris and is effectively working on a solution to world hunger (he is quoted as saying “Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis clooooooooooose”). Dan Orley. Man. Myth. Author of HDI Blogs.
Blog and About the Author paragraph written by: Dan Orley
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